Roller coaster Sunday

My whole world is upside down. I knew there would be challenges, new times, new feelings. The task of learning a new job, a new language, new habits, but I wasn’t expecting this. It has been a bit more than a month and my ground is already shaking. The things I used to hang on to don’t help anymore. It’s all so intense and vague at the same time. The beauty and the pleasure of ephemeral moments seem just a lie and playing strong and independent suddenly doesn’t make any sense anymore. I am just lonely. Let’s face it. And there is nothing cool about it. Just a sense of emptiness.

It’s Sunday and I’m at the park on my own. I am 33. I should be with my family or friends or both. There should be kids running around. Maybe I am so miserable because I always turned by back to that. Maybe having a regular life is good. Maybe it’s too late. And I don’t know if this is because of him or it’s just in the air, the way people are and how they live their life.

I hate what I’m feeling now but at the same time I’m glad that I have to face it. Whatever the consequences will be.

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